The 21 Rewrites

Sent by Jonathan Stark on October 28th, 2016

At long last, here is my feedback on your 21 positioning statements.

Some thoughts before we get started:

Okay, without further ado…


“I’m a digital marketing consultant who helps online coaches build their authority. Unlike my competitors, I use better-than-ethical techniques.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a digital marketing consultant who helps online coaches attract better clients. Unlike my competitors, I use better-than-ethical techniques.”


“We help self-publishing fiction authors sell more books by providing the same comprehensive writing and production services that traditional publishers offer.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I run a literary marketing agency that helps self-published fiction authors sell more books. Unlike our competitors, we don’t take a cut of the author’s sales.”


“My php courses help people working as tech support move to a more profitable and enjoyable career path.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“‘PHP For Profit’ helps tech support employees move to a more profitable career path. Unlike other php courses, ‘PHP For Profit’ goes beyond the nuts and bolts to teach you how to land a job with your new skills.”


“I’m an art director who helps franchisors attract new franchisees. Unlike my competitor, I focus branding efforts on their existing retail customers instead of using 3rd party sources like brokers, recruiting websites or franchise expos.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m an expansion consultant who helps franchisors attract new franchisees. Unlike my competitors, I don’t waste time with brokers, recruiting websites or franchise expos.”

(NOTE: I used a conjunction in my version of the unique difference. Based on your knowledge of the ideal buyer, you might be able to tighten further. If one on its own will raise lots of eyebrows, just use that one.)


“I’m a digital media consultant who helps independent consultants get more clients. Unlike my competitors, I focus on client acquisition rather than vanity metrics like anonymous page views.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a digital media consultant who helps independent consultants get more clients. Unlike my competitors, I don’t waste time with vanity metrics like anonymous page views.”


“I’m a digital business strategist who helps purpose-driven solo and micro preneurs build sustainable businesses that support their vision and their bottom line. Unlike my competitors, I focus on developing long-term consistency and durability, rather than quick fixes that lead to spikes and crashes.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a digital business strategist who helps Christian solo-preneurs build a stable income. Unlike my competitors, I understand that supporting a long-term vision can’t be done with quick fixes.”


“I’m an IT consultant for medium to large companies facing the disruption of a company demergers. I guide CIOs early on in the demerger process, when all eyes are on them as they face critical infrastructure decisions.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m an corporate restructuring consultant who helps CIOs make critical infrastructure decisions early in the demerger process. Unlike my competitors, CIOs work directly with me and not an army of junior consultants learning on the job.”


“I’m a business developer who helps IT SMEs with the dreaded feast and famine cycle. Unlike my competitors, I use my computer engineering background and technology buyer experience, so my clients can communicate in “buyer’s English” to land only perfect clients with sexy projects.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a business development consultant who helps IT firms up to 100 employees stabilize their cash flow. Unlike my competitors, I focus on getting you better clients, not more clients.”


“I’m a Web App Consultant who helps Small to Medium Sized Businesses make Money by Gaining Visibility Through Web Presence and Automation. Unlike my competitors, I focus on Saving You Money by Saving You Time.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a software automation consultant who helps regional restaurant chains decrease operational costs of their take out services. Unlike my competitors, I leverage open source software to avoid absurdly high licensing fees.”


“I help B2B bootstrapped companies and consultants increase their effective hourly rate. I do this via revenue and research-driven product design and content strategy. Instead of guessing which strategy will be best, I help people make data-driven decisions.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a product design consultant who helps B2B consultants increase their effective hourly rate. Unlike my competitors, I don’t merely parrot generic best-practices that I found online.”


“I’m a web application performance consultant who helps Fortune 1000 companies dramatically improve their results. Unlike other experts, I have 20 years’ experience solving revenue-impacting performance problems on a daily basis.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a web performance consultant who helps Fortune 50 retailers double their web pages views. Unlike my competitors, I was selected to present the keynote at Velocity Conference 2016.”


“I’m a web application developer who helps bank REO department managers create board reports in minutes instead of days. Unlike my competitors, I do this by eliminating the need for spreadsheets.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m an application consultant who helps bank REO department managers eliminate two days worth of administrative busywork every month. Unlike my competitors, I do this by eliminating the need for spreadsheets.”


“I’m a brand designer who helps small teams boost their reputation and land bigger clients. Unlike other designers, I focus on measurable improvements and insights, rather than creating superficial designs.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a brand designer who helps boutique iOS dev shops land bigger clients. Unlike other designers, I deliver measurable improvements, rather than creating superficial designs.”


“I’m a digital designer who helps design agencies translate their client’s brands to the digital space. Unlike my competitors, I have a deep understanding of the relationship between brand, technology and content.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a digital designer who helps print design agencies attract younger customers to their client’s brands. Unlike my competitors, I focus specifically on marketing to millennials.”


“We combine strategy, design, branding and web development to help mission-driven organizations move their audiences to action. Organizational goals — not subjective or superficial factors — drive everything we build.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“We are a design agency that helps human rights advocacy groups increase their online donations. Unlike our competitors, we offer a 100% money back guarantee.”


“We’re a .NET development company that helps profitable and growth hungry small to medium businesses overcome inefficient or broken business processes. Unlike our competitors we live and work on the edge of the world which keeps us sharp, creative and tenacious (as we have to hold on to each other so no-one falls off.)”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“We’re a .NET development company that helps bootstrapped SaaS businesses with 50-100 employees decrease customer churn. Unlike our competitors we work on the edge of the world which keeps us sharp.”


“I’m a writer who helps techies and innovators articulate their offering in a way that resonates with stakeholders – investors, prospects, and everyone-else. Unlike my competitors – bah! I have none! – I do not start with words or writing. Instead, using instinct, business acumen, magic, and a passion connection, I start with digging down to the real message that will ring out over the rooftops.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a communications consultant who helps tech entrepreneurs raise their series A funding. Unlike my competitors - who engage in arbitrary word-smithery of product features and benefits - I focus on articulating your one true mission in a way that provokes an emotional response in your audience.”“


“I am a design consultant who helps scaling SaaS companies increase revenue. Unlike my competitors, I focus on the right conversion rate metric to justify my design interventions.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I am a design consultant who helps SaaS companies increase CLV prior to going public. Unlike my competitors, I am so confident in my effectiveness that I offer a 100% money-back guarantee.”


“I’m a data analyst who helps social enterprises make better informed decisions ; unlike my competitors I turn around insights in weeks or even days, rather than spending months on large reports.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a data scientist who helps wastewater treatment executives decrease the amount of untreated waste being dumped into oceans. Unlike my competitors who are obsessed with obtaining uselessly high levels of precision, I am a pragmatist who knows when good enough is good enough.”


“We are an experience design agency that helps early stage startups kick-off their SaaS-based product. Unlike our competitors, we provide a startup-mentality education to our clients with a focus on business sustainability as the key metric, instead of distractions like ‘Is it pretty’ or ‘I don’t like the color purple’ that most agencies yield too much time toward.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“We are an experience design agency that helps early stage SaaS startups reach $10k in monthly recurring revenue. Unlike our competitors, we will protect you from wasting your valuable time debating arbitrary cosmetic design changes.”


“I help businesses define effective processes and build systems to make their operations run smoother and more profitably. Unlike my competitors, I quote you a fixed-fee in advance and don’t stop until you are 100% satisfied that I have met the objectives of the project.”

Breakdown

Possible Rewrite

“I’m a process automation consultant who helps orthodontists increase their per-patient profit numbers. Unlike my competitors, I will quote you a fixed-fee in advance and won’t stop until you are 100% satisfied that I have met the objectives of the project.”


That was a lot of fun, but whew… what a marathon! I hope you found it useful :)

Okay, it’s 4am here… I’ma going ni-nights. ZZzzzzzzzzz…

Yours,

—J

P.S. Do you need private assistance with your LFPS? I’m available for a small number of coaching calls each month… you can book a time here: https://expensiveproblem.com/call


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