December 29, 2025
The Oldest Person Ever
A fellow list member sent in this gem from r/Jokes and I couldn’t help sharing:
A famous lawyer is hit by a bus. He opens his eyes to find himself standing before the Pearly Gates.
There are THOUSANDS of people cheering. There are streamers and a huge banner that says “WELCOME, FRANK!”
There’s a band of angels playing upbeat music. Jesus and Saint Peter are waiting, and run up to shake his hand.
A little shell-shocked from his recent death and the hubbub, Frank looks at Peter and says, “Why am I getting such an amazing reception? Is it always like this?!”
Peter exclaims, “No, not at all! You’re just the oldest person we’ve ever welcomed into Heaven!”
Frank blinks and says, “Nobody over 53 has ever entered heaven?”
St. Peter and Jesus look at each other for a moment, confused. Peter pulls out a scroll and starts skimming it. “Wait a minute,” he says. “Fifty-three? Our records say you’re two hundred and six!”
Frank is puzzled and asks, “How do you figure that?”
“Well,” St. Peter replies, “We couldn’t find your date of birth in the records, so we just totaled up all your billable hours.”
HA!!! Good one :-)
Yours,
—J