Jonathan Stark

After having three apps rejected form the iTunes App Store for various reasons, I figured I’d submit one that was so innocuous that they’d just HAVE to approve it. That app was called “About Jonathan Stark” and it consisted of my contact info, a brief bio, and links to all of my various social networking homes on the web. Naturally, Apple rejected it.

Okay, I know that “About Jonathan Stark” is a pretty lame concept for an app, but bear with me for a sec… My real goal was to prove that PhoneGap 0.8.0 apps could make it into the App Store. Plus, I also thought it would be funny to tell people who asked for a physical business card, “Sorry, I don’t do paper. Just search for ‘About Jonathan Stark’ in the App Store.” The medium is the message, right?

Here’s an excerpt from the rejection email that Apple sent to me:

Thank you for submitting your application to the App Store. Unfortunately, your application, About Jonathan Stark, cannot be posted to the App Store because it contains minimal user functionality. Its sole purpose is marketing or promoting your product/service, and would not be appropriate for the App Store.

Okay, fair enough. It was a throwaway app that didn’t really give users any kind of productivity benefit. I was cool with it.

Until I heard about the Kevin Smith app (iTunes Link).

In case you haven’t heard, Kevin Smith – director of the movie Clerks, among others – released an app that redefines “minimal user functionality” and self-promotion. Granted, more work went into Kevin’s app than into mine, but at least mine was free. KS has the giant gonads to CHARGE for his. And Apple APPROVED IT!

So, Kevin – kudos to you for getting away with it. I’m not knocking you. In fact, I think it’s hilarious.

To Apple – what are you thinking? It’s been two years and we’re not buying the “we’re overwhelmed” argument anymore. In every other way, I’m a devout Apple fanboy, but the app store approval process SUCKS because it’s COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE. Please make it predictable, because I’d love nothing more than to be your biggest evangelist.

I know this will fall on deaf ears, and I know that bigger names have lamented the same thing previously, so I don’t really expect this measly blog post to have any effect. Just don’t come crying to me when Android whips your ass.